Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
