i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
