Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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