stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
