So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize