I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Let the clothes fall where they may.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
