put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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