I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
