R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
