Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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