is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
