i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
