I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
