Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
