i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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