i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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