Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
