i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
