Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
