I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
