I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
