I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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