Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize