you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am one with the molecules
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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