The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize