wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
