i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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