thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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