smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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