I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
