Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
