I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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