remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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