If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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