Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize