I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
