i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
