matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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