Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
where are my eyebrows?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
