it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
