"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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