Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
