and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
