I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize