We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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