It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
