dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize