did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
