Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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