I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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