So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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