just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
