dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
