You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
