im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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