I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
