I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
