didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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