wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
