At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
