First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
