No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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