i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
