wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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