have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
