Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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