Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
