8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
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