you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
And then he peed in my hair
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
