see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
