i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
