I can't breathe out the right side of my face
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
