omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my liver is dry heaving
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
