You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
