I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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