why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize