Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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