He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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