omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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