end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
