I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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