We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize