Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
