I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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