She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
