omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
