1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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