New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
