he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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