the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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