God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
