Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
