It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
