Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize