More tranny stories later!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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