I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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