Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
