I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
