they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
