You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
