trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Your cock deserves a montage
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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