I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
