I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
