Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
