Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize