every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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