You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
