I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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